Vancha's Journal
by cumberbatchbooty
Summary: Random stuff that makes up Vancha's everyday life. Extremely stupid, and generally useless, so be prepared for that. Nothing important happens at all. There's no plot. I just wrote this to pass time. But it's entertaining.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning! **The following is the property of Vancha March, who doesn't know that I have published his journal on the internet, so DON'T TELL HIM! Spilling the secret to him may result in torture, insults, lots of swearing, and getting pie shoved in your face**. **If you're keen on that, goo for you, but don't tell him regardless, because i'm pretty sure he won't like it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Cirque Du Freak or any of its characters. All characters and events in this fan fiction are fictitious (obviously. Do I really have to tell you all this?). Any similarity to real persons/events are coincidental and not intended by the author. (Most of the time.)

**A/N: **Don't bother to flame because of these three reasons. A) Everyone will hate you for the rest of your life, B) You will be wasting your time, because I'm only going to laugh at it, and C)It just proves to me and the rest of the world how much of an evil person you are. And don't flame anonymously. That only proves to me how much of a coward you are.  
>As always, reviews and constructive criticism are welcomed!<p>

**Summary:** Random stuff that makes up Vancha's everyday life. Extremely stupid, and generally useless, so be prepared for that. Nothing important happens at all. There's no plot. I just wrote this to pass time, and I trust you are only reading it to pass time. And sorry for OOC-ness. (It's intended!)

**Title:** Vancha's Journal

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><p><strong><span>#1<span>**

It was 2:00 pm yesterday when I was in the bathroom eating a sandwich, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a box with Darren's name on it. "He doesn't live here!" I said to myself as if anyone would care where Darren lived! Heh heh... Sarcasm...

I have **no** idea why there was a package for Darren in my bathtub. I don't use the bathtub at all, and it seems like a nice place to keep stuff! I will look into that.

But anyway, I wanted to save the box for when Darren came to visit, but I was really curious! I am not a bad person, so I will wait for Darren to visit before I will open anything. Hey, who knows it might be a really cool gift, and I can say I got it for him even though I didn't. But I suppose if I am going to lie about getting him a gift I may as well just open it! I have nothing to lose! But as I said, I am not a bad person.

**#2**

It's been two weeks since my last entry, and Darren has come to visit. Finally, a chance to learn what was in the box! I showed him the box and told him it was from me, and he believed me, and I learned that wasn't a good thing, because I also lacked the knowledge of what was actually IN the box.

Darren was convinced it was some sort of sick joke, because what was actually in the box was another box with a diamond ring and a piece of paper along with the ring that read "Will you marry me?". That freaked him out, and I told him it wasn't actually me who got him the gift.

He didn't believe me! I told him I wasn't one to get a gift for people, even the ones I **do** want to marry. I am guessing that the gift belonged to a person that lived in the hotel before me, and he forgot to take it with him. (Strange coincidence his name would have to be Darren!)

It is strange for me to live in a hotel room. Darren pointed that out to me yesterday though I already knew it. He is staying on the couch. He told me Alice Burgess and Debbie Hemlock would be coming for a while, and that I am excited for! I am not sure yet how long they will be staying, but hopefully for a long while... if the luck of the vampires is with me!

**#3**

Debbie Hemlock was first to arrive, then a few days later Alice. Debbie looked as beautiful as ever, and when I told her that she stomped on my foot. I just laughed at her usual response to EVERYTHING I say, then turned around and frowned, as usual. Sometimes, she can be a pain.

I wonder what her reason not to like me is... I mean, she likes me, but she doesn't LIKE me. I was thinking it was the fact that I am a vampire, but if she likes Darren, I don't think she minds vampires.

Then I thought, it could be my age, I am over 300 years old now, but I don't think that could be the reason. Darren still looks only seventeen! I don't look a day over thirty-five! Maybe forty, but that's not the point!

I once asked Debbie why she didn't like me in that way, she said something I couldn't understand, I think it was girl-language, because Alice translated to me that it meant I smelled like a sock. Sure, I haven't taken a shower since spring, but she doesn't have to be so harsh! Maybe taking a shower will get her to like me better. I will try. But I have to empty the stuff out of the bathtub first!

**#4**

The shower idea partly worked! Debbie sat next to me at breakfast, or supper on her part. She didn't mind sitting next to me and she didn't pretend to barf, like she usually does.

She commented on me not smelling, which is a good sign. I don't think it will lead to anything so I might as well not try, so maybe in time things will change. But I doubt it. For now, I will just have to go with the flow...

I have been thinking a lot lately about why I have a journal in the first place. I am still not sure, I just thought it would be a good idea to write down what happens to me, even if the circumstances of the situation have nothing to do with the events taking place at he current time. (I know, big words, they bother me too. Alice told me I should be more sophisticated, and so far, it is worse than the Hall of Death!)

But, I want to use my journal to use as a dream book type thing, and maybe look back at the book in a hundred years or so (assuming I will actually be alive then) and think about how stupid I was then.

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><p>If you want me to continue, leave a review saying you want me to continue. If you don't want me to continue, leave a review begging me not to continue. simple as that! If this Fanfic sounds completely stupid and just really bad compared to my other fics, I wrote this at the middle of the 6th grade, so I wasn't as good as writing then as I am now. (Sure, I just started 7th grade, but I have improved a ton!) Now that I have succeeded to bore you to death, review! Tiredness! G'night people of earth and beyond. Oh yeah, and I'm getting a hurricane! I hope I live! Hasta lasagna!<br>-Mae :3


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Alright, fanfiction readers! Since you guys seemed to like the first chapter, here is chapter two. If it'd dumb, too bad for you. In order for me to continue, I need at least three reviews. Anyway... On with the reading!**  
><strong>

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><p><strong><span>#5<span>**

I dreamed that Harkat, Larten and I went to the Cirque Du Freak and all the other Vampire Princes were there, even the dead Paris Skyle. Larten was a Vampire Prince too. The other Princes told me I wasn't a Prince anymore, and that Larten had taken my place. That made me mad so I decided to kill all the Princes except Larten and he was about to kill me, then I woke up.

**After I woke up...**

I awoke to the sight of Darren and Larten standing over me. (Larten had later told me that he came back from Vampire Mountain a few hours earlier.) Darren told me he heard me talking in my sleep, which he finds very humorous, and when he came in my room I was flailing and I started yelling.

The weird thing was that I was laying in my bed and I don't even use my bed. (Maybe I will give it to Larten. If I do, I really hope nothing like this happens again because it will be extremely awkward...) I told Darren and Larten about the dream and Larten felt oddly guilty, and Darren was upset that he was killed.

**#6**

Stupid computers! Debbie brought a computer to the hotel we were staying at. I don't know why we need a computer, but Debbie talked me into it.

The computer _really_ doesn't like me and every time I tried to use it, it would give me some sort of a problem. So, eventually, I had enough. I picked up the laptop, swore at it, then threw it out of the window, breaking the window, and obviously, the laptop smashed to bits as soon as it hit the cement of the parking lot.

Now I have to pay for a new laptop for Debbie, and for the window at the hotel, and how will I do that? I have no money! I will have to get... _A JOB_**.**

I don't really know what kind of job to get. I looked through a newspaper and found a few things that would suit me, but they don't pay enough for me to get a laptop and the window payed in less then a few hours (which is basically the only amount of time I will spend being bossed around by someone of less power than myself. I mean, come on, I am a _Vampire Prince!_)

I imagine I could run away from the window payment because I am a vampire and they won't be able to track me down, but I can not run from Debbie.

The best jobs for me are: a stunt double, a taste tester or a mattress tester, but those jobs are not very realistic. At least the mattress tester isn't. Are those even real? I doubt it.

A taste tester couldn't be payed well, and being a stunt double would be PERFECT, but there is no one that I look like to pretend to be them in a dangerous situation, but on the plus side, my face wouldn't show up in the video.

The only thing that I found that works almost perfectly is a police officer. But the only problem is, is that you have to go to a school for that. Ugh! I still have no idea what I am going to do! I bet I will think of something eventually...

**#7**

I am very stressed out about getting a job. Why does this have to happen to me! Well all that stress made me thirsty, so I went down to the corner store to get myself a Red-bull. These new fancy energy drinks are just what I need! Its like they give me wings or something! (most likely, or something.)

As I was walking, then jogging, then running, then flitting down the highway, I spotted a medium-sized silver brief case. I stopped dead in my tracks, (Don't worry, I'm not writing from the Great Beyond) and picked it up.

I continued flitting until I got to the hotel. When I got there, Darren, Debbie, Alice and Mr. Crepsley where there, waiting for me to return. Debbie was the first to mention anything about the brief case. I ignored her and kept walking.

I went in my room and opened up the case. All throughout the hotel you could hear me yelling with delight. The case was filled with money! There was at least a thousand in there! I was so excited! Now I can pay for the broken laptop! (I have decided not to pay for the window because I can easily run away from it.)

**#8**

Debbie is officially evil! She told me I couldn't use the money for the laptop because it was probably stolen. I don't know what gave her that idea. She is watching too much TV.

Debbie decided to report that she found the money to the police and they took it away. Now I will have to find the money another way.

**Later that day...**

It was still light out and I decided to continue my fight with the sun. Also, I was going to get some more Red-Bull. I was paying for the Red-Bull when the clerk yelled that I was the hundredth costumer for that day. Then he gave me all the cash in the register. I was confused and I asked him if it was a joke. He told me it wasn't, and as a joke I told him "My job was easier than I thought it would be!" He asked me what I meant and I said, "I was going to rob the store anyway!" The clerk looked at me with a confused expression and I ran out, afraid he was going to call the police.

Then I realized I forgot to take the Red-Bull, so I ran back in, grabbed it then flitted out. I continued back to the hotel and showed everyone the money, except Debbie who wasn't there at the moment. The first thing they asked is if it was stolen. I don't know how that came into their heads.

I told them the story of what happened, then I told them that I was going to get Debbie her laptop. But the problem was that I was very tired from flitting, and badly burned from the sun. So Alice said she would get the laptop with the money, give it to me and I would give it to Debbie as a gift. She knows she is getting it, but trust me, she will be surprised how fast I get it to her!

**#9**

Debbie was so thrilled that I got her the laptop so quickly, she threw her arms around me and gave me a big hug. I could sense Darren was jealous because he yelled to Debbie, "I helped pick it out!" and as you thought, Darren got a hug and a kiss, even though he had nothing to do with finding the money or buying the laptop. Larten and Alice just giggled and I looked at Darren with a "What the fudge, I was just PWNED" expression.

Late that night, the manager of the hotel stormed down the corridor and knocked on the door. With my super vampire-hearing, I heard him coming from the beginning of the hallway, so I was able to open the door immediately. "Can I help you?" I said, sounding fully awake, though I had been sleeping.

"Yes, you can help me!" the hotel manager shouted in my face angrily spraying spit. "You haven't made one payment since you have been here, and that window still isn't payed for!"

I sarcastically wiped my face. "It will be payed for," I lied.

"It better be. Unless you want the police getting involved." With that, the man shoved me inside my room and closed the door. I waited inside for a second, thought, then angrily, I opened the door back up, flitted to him until I was just about a foot in front of him, then stepped in his way.

"Why did you shove me?" I asked plainly. "Because you are an idiot," the man said slowly, spitting at me while he spoke. He tried to walk around me, but I caught his shirt collar and lifted him up at least a half of a foot above the floor. "What did you call me?" I asked, wondering what had made him be so rude to me. "Nothing!" the manager squeaked.

"Thought so," With that, I dropped the man to the floor, walked back to the room and stopped in front of the door. I could sense the man was about to say something, but he stopped and turned around before he could form any words.

I turned my head and saw him walking away down the hall mumbling to himself. I laughed softly to myself then walked inside.

Right after that, I started to pack up some of my things, and a few minutes later, I got tired and passed out on the floor. In the morning, I informed everyone that we would be leaving soon and they should pack up their things too so we could get a move on.

Debbie, being the inquisitive little butt-nugget she is, asked why we had to leave.

"Because the monkey behind you told me we should," I replied with a smile. She smiled back and when she walked by, she hit me playfully on the head with her hand.

When we were packed, Darren, Debbie, Larten, Alice and I set out to find refuge some other place where hopefully no one would insult me. We walked for about a hundred sixty miles. We finally found a cave in the woods where we would stay for a while. Debbie doesn't like sleeping in the wilderness, so we will only stay here for a night and day.

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><p>Sorry for OOC-ness, because I'm sure there is tons in there. Also, for those of you who have read my other Fanfiction Evil in Paradise and are anticipating another chapter, it will be up eventually, I have just been really busy. Remember to review for a third chapter!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Alright, people, here's the dealio: I really don't want to update this fanfic anymore, in fear that you guys will find it terribly and utterly retarded and feel compelled to break things, just like I did while rereading this... *sigh* But, due to popular demand, I'm continuing despite my not wanting to... So, if you guys seriously want me to continue, just tell me and I will, and please, oh, please have mercy on me as far as reviews and flames go, because when I wrote this I was in the sixth grade, and I was not nearly as good as a writer as I am now. So if it's just stupid, and too terribly OOC and just... TERRIBLE, feel free to let me know, just... Don't kill me, or crush my heart into a thousand tiny pieces, I beg of you. Here we go...  
><strong><span>DISCLAIMER:<span>** Have any of you guys actually saw a disclaimer that said, "I own Darren Shan and all the characters"? Wow, that just made me think of a DS fangirl keeping the actual Darren Shan the author in their closet. That spells bad news...

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><p><strong><span>#10<span>**

The day and night we were in the cave dragged on for what felt like a week. It was cold and uncomfortable, and we were very tired. I could tell Debbie was miserable. She was complaining the whole time, and I don't blame her. If I were her, I would have just abandoned that place and gone somewhere else, but we didn't have much of a choice. We had to stay there. Either that or pass out in the middle of the road. This was the next best thing.

We got back on the road a few hours after waking up. We don't have a lot packed with us. Darren and I share a backpack that Darren carries. I don't need much. I have this journal, spare clothes and my shuriken belt, which I usually wear, but decided not to for the time being, because last time, I stabbed myself. Accidentally of course!

I was glad for one thing, that was I was out of that stupid hotel. Life there was horrible and if anyone thinks I would go back there, they are very, very **wrong**. Come on now, the manager hated me, the neighbors, the staff, everyone. I am not sure why... What is there to hate?

**#11**

Yesterday was a tough day for me. I don't know what was the worst part, being mistaken for a hobo or having to use a phone... This is the story.

We were passing through a large city. I decided I had nothing better to do than go to a bar. I drank a lot of beer and got really drunk and eventually got kicked out for fighting some weird guys who decided it would be a good idea to mess with a vampire. (I know they didn't know about my vampiristicness. Is that a word? It should be.)

I was just walking out of the bar (at least trying) and I could barely stand and eventually fell in the middle of the sidewalk. I managed to crawl further but got tired. So I just fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of a man talking. He told me he worked at a homeless shelter and that he was going to bring me there. He thought I was a hobo! Of course I was offended so I pushed him away and tried to crawl further. He wouldn't let me so I punched him, crawled over to a black car of some sort, got in and locked the doors.

I am surprised at what happened next, because instead of giving up like I would have done, the man tried to get me out of the car! He tried at the doors, punched the windows, and finally picked up a rock and threatened me with it. This was crazy! I had enough.

The idiot who owned the car left his car keys in the car (not saying his stupidity wasn't convenient) so I was able to drive away. But the problem was, I wasn't LEGALLY ABLE to drive.

I have never been in a car more than twice, but I have learned a bit from hearing conversations from Debbie and Alice. I learned some things, but not nearly enough to operate a vehicle. But I was willing to risk it. I was having trouble starting the car but I tried my best. Finally I realized I had to TURN THE KEY.

As if I was in enough trouble not knowing how to drive a car but now I realized I was in MORE trouble because it was a stick shift. Great! Not only will I be arrested for stealing a car, I will probably die! Thankfully, that didn't happen, or at least, not all of it happened, via, I'm not dead.

I was messing with the gears seeing what worked. It stalled a few times, but I started to get the hang of it. I was speeding, probably going 65 on a 35mph zone. I kept at this pace for a few minutes. Obviously, there was no need to be going so fast for such a long time. I lost the man about a half a mile back. The problem was, I was tired, drunk, and unable to drive a car. I didn't know how to stop. I found the petals, stomped on one and the car came to a sudden stop.

The entire back of the car flipped up and it was about to flip onto the top, but before that happened, with my vampire speed, I opened the door, jumped out and flitted away from the car.

Bystanders were dumbfounded, medics were confused, and cops were enraged. (I told the cops my story how I got kicked out of the bar, stole the car, etc.) I was sitting next to the car, hands cuffed behind my back, waiting for the cop to get me in the car and take me to the station. While it happened, I thought of how I would escape, which I had no need of doing because I am a vampire after all. I could escape in anyway I wanted, anytime I wanted.

Minutes passed. I blacked out. Before I knew, I was locked in a cell. I decided to catch some sleep then plan my escape once I gained some strength. I fell asleep quickly. I was asleep for only a few minutes when an officer told me to wake up and asked me if I wanted my one phone call. I told him I did. I dialed a number that didn't belong to anyone I knew, I don't even remember what it was. When a woman answered I asked if she could bail me out. She asked who was calling and I told her it was Adolf Hitler. When she started yelling at me I yelled back at her, and ripped the phone off the wall. This was only to try to make the police angry. And it worked.

I figured I am going to be breaking out soon anyway so I might as well cause as much havoc as possible. After yelling at people, breaking things, doing things that If I were in the right state of mind, I would regret and scaring people, I finally got taken to a separate cell that was meant for one person so I couldn't hurt anyone. (This was basically the plan all along, so I could get some sleep without people poking me and asking about my hair.)

I slept surprisingly well. When I woke up at about seven, I had regained a lot of strength so I was able to bend the bars of the cell to the sides and slip out easily. As I sneaked out, I ran past a guard, lost my footing and smashed through a window and fell two stories onto he parking lot. I landed on my feet but almost lost my balance. From upstairs I heard an alarm go off. That was my signal to run.

I flitted to where Larten, Darren, Debbie, Alice and I were staying. I realized something was wrong when I saw there was a family of three people eating dinner at the kitchen table. "Um... Sorry," I said, scratching the back of my head. I turned around and left without saying any more. Thumbs up for awkward!

I was still cautious of the fact the police would be looking for me by now so I searched for Larten's aura and found where he was staying. They were in an abandoned church not too far away.

The journey there wasn't very interesting, though I did get a kitten out of a tree. But I threw it at a car because it scratched me. I don't think that counts for anything. The cat wasn't hurt though! Maybe this is why cats hate vampires and vis versa.

When I arrived I found Darren, Larten, Debbie and Alice sitting around a fire talking. I stayed behind a curtain in the shadows for a minute and listened. They were talking about ME. "I hope Vancha is okay," I heard Alice say. "Do you think we should look for him?" Darren asked.

"Did you miss me?" I said coming out of the shadows.

"Vancha!" Alice and Debbie ran over to me to give me a hug. I hugged back.

"Why did you leave?" Larten asked plainly.

"Heh heh, I kinda got arrested," I laughed.

By the look on everyone's face, I could tell they didn't find it funny. Neither did I, laughing just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

"Tell me, Vancha. What on Earth did you do this time?" Larten asked.

"This time! What's that supposed to mean! I've only been arrested this once!" I argued.

"You are probably going to do something again in the future. So what did you do THIS time?" He repeated.

"Well, to keep it simple," I started, "I got kicked out of a bar, punched a guy, stole a car, sped, crashed the car, resisted arrest, broke some stuff, then broke out of jail. Now the police are after me and will probably be here within the next, I don't know, three hours."

"Alright then," Larten began as if it was something that happened everyday. "We will be packing now. We have to get a move on before-"

I cut him off, "One more thing. I also threw a cat at a car."

Larten looked at me with his "I don't care about the stupid cat!'' look. That's not normally what I call it, but right now the name fits.

"As I was saying, we have to get a move on before the police come and arrest you again. So everyone, pack up your things and we will go."

We did as he said. I'd never thought I would be taking orders from Larten. I am a Vampire Prince with far more power than Larten has. (Even though at one point he **was** nominated to be a Prince, but fled.) But right now it was obvious that even if no one said "We have to leave," we would have left anyway. We don't have a choice unless I want to get arrested again. So it didn't really matter who said it, just that we got the heck out of there and as fast as possible!

We decided the best place to go now would be Vampire Mountain, so that is our destination. At least for now. We won't be staying there too long, but just long enough so the police won't care about me anymore. Odds are they are already starting to lose interest. (Probably not.)

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><p>Okay! So now that that's over, I guess it wasn't really THAT bad... Vancha was very OOC, I must admit, as was everyone else, except for Crepsley, maybe... A lot of the stuff the people in this story did are not things that peopel would do when in their right state of mind. But, I am not in my right state of mind, so that's why I thought it up! Anyway, three positive reviews to continue, and I'll try not to bore you to death with the next chapter. Smadagell yadagoo ladagatadager! I bet none of you know what that means... Muahahaha!<p> 


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